Selfish?

Katie Hurley recently wrote this article on Huffington Posthttp://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5672519?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Entitled There is Nothing Selfish About Suicide. 

I first applaud you Katie for writing that article. The amount of strength you must of had to come forward and share your story.

Something I agree with Katie is. Unless you've been there, don't judge!! 

It's hard to stare at a dark abyss wondering where your life will go. Realizing your life is in a million pieces and you have NO idea where to begin picking up those pieces, because they are cutting you. They are hurting you. And the darkness feels so good. You don't want to leave.

Dear Airlines, Be On Time

Dear Airline Companies,

Be on time!!

When I arrived at the airport 2 hours before my flight left I expected the airline company of Frontier to be on time, as stated on their website. 

Nope! 

I stood in line as I watched them do various items, ignoring me as I was first in line, not acknowledging or anything. 10-15 minutes go by before I get told one of the 3 people behind the counter can help me. The friend that was with  me stated out loud how rude this was, then I was helped.

I check my luggage and make my way to the gate where my flight is to take off.

I zoomed through security through a speed I didn't expect. Having traveled since a young age and experiencing different levels of air port security (and mind you being 16 and not being able to speak any other language than English and being instructed in a language I didn't understand) this time was a breeze. Not even 4 minutes.

I arrive to my gate and read the dreaded words of "flight delayed" *insert horror scream*. I am wondering what perhaps several hundred (maybe more I don't know) wonder a day. "Am I going to make my connecting flight?"

I am wanting what typical people want after being away from home for a period of time. I want to be HOME. 

I've been away from home helping out my best friend for a period of time. I just want to get home and wrap my arms around my husband, go to my home, see my dogs, and be in the bed that I haven't been in in a while. 

But I am staring at a screen that says delayed. i

I am then watching the plane that I am to take pull in and the people that were on the plane disembark. I look at the time and I freak. 

So I asked Frontier on Twitter. And this is the response. 

Delayed 57 minutes, nearly an hour. That is how much time I had between flights... That was my layover. 

Now each airport has a specific amount of time between each layover so that the person can make their flight comfortably. 

But here I am sprinting in an airport I have no clue about. I couldn't find my flight. I noticed the coffee line didn't have a line and I grabbed a cup of coffee. I then went to find out where my flight was. 

When I arrived I boarded my plane. Yup. Got there luckily in time. Sat down and was on my way. 

I almost missed my flight. It was cutting it close. Why? Due to the crew of Frontier. Even Frontier admitted it. 

And the crew with my previous take off wouldn't shut the door... Why? Because someone was too drunk/intoxicated. They discussed this where everyone could hear. Finally shutting the door after 3 people who weren't assigned seats finally sat down. 

I used to love to fly. But it's become more of a hassle. 

Time Away

Redeye Flight

I imagined that I would sleep on this flight. Little did I realize that every time I would fall asleep something would happen. And during the last three hour stretch of it screaming baby, hey we both didn't want to be there but it wasn't acceptable for me to scream ;)

Bagel

Deliciousness of bagels. How I missed thee. 

I have yet to find a good bagel place in the Seattle area. So of course I had to go to Yorgi's. 

Swimming

No, not in the pond

I went swimming for a grand total of 1 time... This was upsetting since during the trip I stayed at various hotels. And pools?? Umm yeah broken ones lol

Empty

I've never seen this stretch of road so empty. We were on our way to base so my best friend could check out of the Navy, becoming a civilian again. 

That one time I crashed a wedding...

Yeah... It's sure a story to tell...

Sushi on fire

Bugs

I can definitely say I've had my share of bugs. 

I've enjoyed this time away. A mini vacation for me. But helping my best friend end his Navy career and move to the Midwest to begin his civilian job. 

Can't wait to be home

Vacation, it's where I want to be

It's been a while since my feet has been in sand. And that is what I did today. 

I walked along the Atlantic Ocean. Taking in the rays of the sun, the people around me. 

I had forgotten how hot the sun gets. And scurried on my flip flops after the fun in the sun.

I did not go swimming in the ocean. For selfish reasons. I've gotten my hair the way I want it and didn't want the salt water ruining it. 

I had my favorite bagel for breakfast and headed to the beach. 

It was the perfect start for my first official day of vacation. 

Rested up the day I landed due to the jet lag. 

Tomorrow brings something unique. 

Depression

I was sadden to hear the loss of a great comedian and supporter of our troops, Robin Williams.

It is alleged that he committed suicide. I say alleged due to the facts not being known 100% yet.

Robin Williams admitted having depression. 

I know about being depressed. 

I've had OCD since a very early age. Combined with my learning disorder I experience high anxiety, or generalized anxiety. This had lead to depression in the past.

But to be honest. I didn't know the true meaning of depression until recently. 

I have PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. 

After a traumatic event PTSD can occur. But what defines it has PTSD is a certain amount of time that has passed since the event occurred. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD before that time had passed. But I was also to a point where I had shut down. 

I let the event that occurred swallow me whole. I relived it, breathed it, locked it inside of myself for so long I was a crumped mess on the floor. 

My husband came home and found me. He scooped me up and held me. And I told the secret I had been carrying with me I silence. 

You see... Sometimes people suffer in silence. Sometimes it's too much for anyone to share so they keep it inside. It eats at them so much. And the more it eats the more it consumes you. 

By this point I was shaking and could barely talk. I had let this event eat me up and it spit me out into a heaping mess. When I say shaking... I mean my husband had to walk behind me to support me because I could barely walk. I could barely talk. What had happened to me was enough to damage my myelin. It was PAINFUL.

Slowly as I realized I did not have to go through this alone, that I didn't have to be strong enough!! There were people around me that would pick me up, literally!! and carry me. Tell me jokes just to see me smile. Never asked me about my pain and waited for me to tell. Because it's my story. 

There were so many times I had to remind myself that I'm a victim. I had to choose to live in the light and not let the dark swallow me. 

This journey of mine has been a long process. 

I still have PTSD. I don't know how long I will have it. But I'll tell you that I'll be okay. 

I'm still not ready to discuss the events that occurred. It's still has raw as when it first happened. But I have my way of handling things when they come up. Like if I experience a trigger and a flashback occurs. Or I burst into tears for no reason. Shake uncontrollably. Afraid. Scared. 

But I'll be okay. 

And thanks to my friends who let me use Frozen or Pitch Perfect references because those movies are a coping mechanism. 

Vacation!!

The excitement and trepidation at the awaiting vacation a head of me. 

I have plane tickets in hand. Leaving Sea-Tac and returning. But here's the trick...

I semi know the travel destination.

What?

I am leaving Seattle and arriving at destination A. Then driving to destination B. Visiting destination C a lot. Then heading to destination D to return to Seattle. 

Two destinations are in the same state. Destination B & C. Destination A & D are not. 

It's a vacation that is well needed!!

My Best Friend

   

You're more than my husband.

You're also my best friend.