Vacation, it's where I want to be

It's been a while since my feet has been in sand. And that is what I did today. 

I walked along the Atlantic Ocean. Taking in the rays of the sun, the people around me. 

I had forgotten how hot the sun gets. And scurried on my flip flops after the fun in the sun.

I did not go swimming in the ocean. For selfish reasons. I've gotten my hair the way I want it and didn't want the salt water ruining it. 

I had my favorite bagel for breakfast and headed to the beach. 

It was the perfect start for my first official day of vacation. 

Rested up the day I landed due to the jet lag. 

Tomorrow brings something unique. 

Depression

I was sadden to hear the loss of a great comedian and supporter of our troops, Robin Williams.

It is alleged that he committed suicide. I say alleged due to the facts not being known 100% yet.

Robin Williams admitted having depression. 

I know about being depressed. 

I've had OCD since a very early age. Combined with my learning disorder I experience high anxiety, or generalized anxiety. This had lead to depression in the past.

But to be honest. I didn't know the true meaning of depression until recently. 

I have PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. 

After a traumatic event PTSD can occur. But what defines it has PTSD is a certain amount of time that has passed since the event occurred. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD before that time had passed. But I was also to a point where I had shut down. 

I let the event that occurred swallow me whole. I relived it, breathed it, locked it inside of myself for so long I was a crumped mess on the floor. 

My husband came home and found me. He scooped me up and held me. And I told the secret I had been carrying with me I silence. 

You see... Sometimes people suffer in silence. Sometimes it's too much for anyone to share so they keep it inside. It eats at them so much. And the more it eats the more it consumes you. 

By this point I was shaking and could barely talk. I had let this event eat me up and it spit me out into a heaping mess. When I say shaking... I mean my husband had to walk behind me to support me because I could barely walk. I could barely talk. What had happened to me was enough to damage my myelin. It was PAINFUL.

Slowly as I realized I did not have to go through this alone, that I didn't have to be strong enough!! There were people around me that would pick me up, literally!! and carry me. Tell me jokes just to see me smile. Never asked me about my pain and waited for me to tell. Because it's my story. 

There were so many times I had to remind myself that I'm a victim. I had to choose to live in the light and not let the dark swallow me. 

This journey of mine has been a long process. 

I still have PTSD. I don't know how long I will have it. But I'll tell you that I'll be okay. 

I'm still not ready to discuss the events that occurred. It's still has raw as when it first happened. But I have my way of handling things when they come up. Like if I experience a trigger and a flashback occurs. Or I burst into tears for no reason. Shake uncontrollably. Afraid. Scared. 

But I'll be okay. 

And thanks to my friends who let me use Frozen or Pitch Perfect references because those movies are a coping mechanism. 

Vacation!!

The excitement and trepidation at the awaiting vacation a head of me. 

I have plane tickets in hand. Leaving Sea-Tac and returning. But here's the trick...

I semi know the travel destination.

What?

I am leaving Seattle and arriving at destination A. Then driving to destination B. Visiting destination C a lot. Then heading to destination D to return to Seattle. 

Two destinations are in the same state. Destination B & C. Destination A & D are not. 

It's a vacation that is well needed!!

My Best Friend

   

You're more than my husband.

You're also my best friend.

It's your story, but tell me did you lose a shoe?

Our PCS Journey

 

It was a cool day when we packed up the truck and said goodbye to Virginia.

This had been a place that my husband and I have called home for several years. But we were excited to leave.

We went to Indiana to visit family.

Blurry Lousville above. My husband was driving and I was using my cell phone. But I love the colors in the photo.

We drove from Virginia leaving in the afternoon.  We decided to drive straight through. We took separate vehicles because he was driving the truck and I had the car.

We spent a few days visiting family. And then we started heading to Washington.

The Plain States

I mentioned to someone who was soon PCSing themselves to Washington that the drive wasn't that bad.  But I had to admit that in the plain states I started questioning why we were doing this. 

It seems I could only take so much flat land lol. 

Our first true stop was Mt Rushmore.  We decided to stay the night in Keystone which was a lovely quaint town. And I'm glad it wasn't the busy season lol.

 

Of course we PCS'd during the WINTER!















And then we went to Devil Tower

And then we hit our second set of mountains...

Because our next stop was Yellowstone!!

Yellowstone

I jumped for joy when I found out Yellowstone would be open when we were PCSing. We decided to stay on Cody, Wyoming... because hotel was wonderful.  But with the drive to Yellowstone don't do this when the road to Cody and Yellowstone is closed. Which it was and it was a 3 hour drive to Yellowstone.

Did I mention it was snowing??

Old Faithful

 

And an hour later...

We PCD's during WINTER!! Once we started heading up the mountains the SNOW started.  Now in Virginia when it snowed it basically shut everything down.  But what I found out in higher altitude is that it is actual SNOW! Snow flakes!! I hadn't seen snow flakes in a while. Mush in Virginia.

And my darling husband waited with me for Old Faithful to blow. Gotta love that man.  It was over an hour... we waited over an hour in the cold, snowing, wet... you get the point.

We made it in one piece. Some of our furniture didn't.  Thankfully when we arrived Nick's Sponsor helped us move in. With my bad shoulder I could barely lift anything.

We then ran to Ikea to replace the things that broke...

I don't think I can explain the feeling you get when you open the back of a moving truck and see pieces of furniture you love crumbled. You just have to square your shoulders and say "I guess I truly didn't need that."  And smile ever so loving at your husband because now you're out a dresser.

Ikea to the rescue. We picked up 2 dressers for less than what we thought, thus we bought two. Stained them a nice dark color.

Ohh... I'm leaving out the BEST part.

Everyone has a horror story for when they PCS, right?

We were in the middle of nowhere  Montana and the car stops working. The check engine light came over and I pulled over and turned off the car... and the gas peddle stopped working.

Luckily my quick action. I called for a tow truck and sent my husband into the next town to rent a tow.  The tow truck came and we hooked up the car to the dolly (after meeting up with my husband in the next town).  It is VERY hard to explain to someone where you are when you are looking at your map in your iPhone and explaining to them.  Because I was in the middle of mile markers I didn't know which mile marker I was at, just the town I was near.  But at the end of the day it took about 2 hours out of our schedule.

He drove the rest of the night and in the wee hours of the morning we ended up in Western Washington.  We went to our apartment, signed our lease, and began unpacking.  And rented a car after taking ours to get fixed.  Thankfully it was just the computer issue and after reprogramming the car was fine.

I enjoyed our trip across the United States.  Glad that we got to visit the things that we did. And I smile as I say this...... I HOPE TO NEVER PCS AGAIN!!!!

Just Eat Cake

I've had a really bad week...

So I ended up at a bakery.

I bought a half a dozen donuts and took a pic to tease my husband. 

This bakery has cupcakes too. Bacon cupcakes and donuts at that. So had to tease my husband. 

It seems that once your hubsand goes away everything goes wrong. And that is all I've had all week long. 

So donuts for dinner tonight. 

Homemade Fish Sticks or Fish Fingers

Blogging from my phone again since my laptop charger hasn't arrived.

I went to Pike Place Market and got some halibut. While eating some baked halibut I just thought that this fish would be a great fish to make fish sticks out of. 

So I tried it. My first attempted I made fish nuggets. I can admit I was nervous so made smaller ones in case they weren't good. 

But they were a hit. 

So I decided to do fish sticks or what I call fish fingers because I made them bigger than fish sticks. 

First you're going to need white fish. I used halibut but there are other types of white fish you can use. I took the skin off and sliced them into thick chunks. 

For the wet mix I used 2 eggs. For the dry mix I used bread crumbs, panko, garlic powder, onion powder, salt & pepper (you can add more it's up to you). 

I dipped the fish into the wet mix, then the dry mix. I tried to use a wet hand and dry hand but let's face it... Doesn't always work out that way. 

I then fried them in canola oil. And tada. 

Fish fingers!!

These are yummy. I pair them with my version of curly fries. 

Now go make yourself some fish sticks!!