Leaving the Bad

Always remember to leave the bad behind you.

Fog, Monsters, and Bears... oh my

I didn't realize what it meant to fortify oneself until I awoke that morning. 

I've read enough books set in the early 1700/1800 England. Where one fortifies oneself with a cup of tea. But the concept never really hit me until I awoke with a deep ache in my ribs. 

It was a cold morning, the type of cold that reaches your bones. 

I woke up to this...

Washington, the state that makes you wonder if you're in a horror movie. No, wait that's Maine. 

I love living in the great state of Washington. But I can truly say that I didn't know what fog was until moving here. 

A foggy day for me growing up was having a smell fog roll through. Due to the manure pastures and the reasons that fog exists some mornings growing up in rural Indiana involved fog. The fog in Washington is triple that of what I grew up with. It redefined the word fog.

One day driving passing the Snohomish River I stated to my husband, man it's foggy. He chuckled. He's experienced the fog more than I have on his way to work. And we chuckled that it was the type of fog that if we passed by some girl with long black hair and in white long dress we wouldn't stop.

One day going to get my husband I actually questioned if they were making the sequel to the Mist. And the fact I was headed towards base didn't help. I was expecting some sort of monster to walk out of the fog.

Sea Mist is something that I enjoy. The difference between a mist and a fog is how far you can see. What I define as a sea mist is the mist that creeps along the shore and you can still make out the boats and other objects. 

In other words... I enjoy the fog. But does it have to be so creepy?

There are some days where the fog is just a beautiful opportunity to take photos. And there are others where you just want to hide under the cover because you know there are monsters there.

The fact that around me are mountains. I wake up every morning with a beautiful view of Mount Baker. Wherever I drive I see mountains. 

Mountains and fog... cue in the howling noises. I expect wolves and bears. Little Red Riding Hood, things like that. Because of the stories I grew up reading.

Living in the great state of Washington winter has been redefined of me. When I think of snow I hope for a lot and praying my snowboard gets here soon. Where we live it's kind of a cocoon. A safe place away from the snow but where there is rain and fog.

I love living here and the adventures that come living in Washington. Just please no horror movies out of this state. Leave it to Maine.

Friendly Fire

Should you be judged for having a friend?

Say you're friends with someone. But one of your other friends doesn't get along. Should you be judged because of that friendship?

I am calling this Friendly Fire. Because honestly that is what it is.

I am friends with someone. We'll say Abigail. Abigail and I aren't truly close. Just when we see each other we are friendly. We understand each other. And if I need something I can go to Abigail and get it. If I need someone to talk to I can go to Abigail. But we don't have each other's numbers so it's just when we run into each other.

Now say I am also friends with Beth and Sam. Well Beth and Sam hate Abigail for x, y, and z reasons. Those reasons you understand. But haven't experienced so you can't agree. But Beth and Sam hate that you are friends with Abigail. When you are around Beth and Sam and stumble upon Abigail there is some hostility.

Say I haven't confronted Beth and Sam. But they realize that I know Abigail and talk to her. Would you be so hostel when around each other? Or would you be friendly.

This is why I say Friendly Fire. I am try to be around people who are my friends. But I am under fire.

Sometimes I don't know what to do. I honestly don't want to look at Beth and Sam and tell them "really I can be friends with more than one person" or "just because I am friends with someone doesn't change who I am".

It gets to the point you want to take a step back. You haven't wanted to say anything because honestly SHOULD YOU?

I've honestly had people dump me as a friend because of what someone else has said. Hasn't been true. I've had some people, who I laugh cause they brag they are Christians, who talk smack about me that isn't true. And then someone else decides they don't want to be my friend. Okay those aren't true friends.

I have split my friends into friends (those people I call true friends) and acquaintances (those who leave you for the above example). If I call you my friend, you are my friend. If I say just someone I know, you are an acquaintance.

I don't want to dumb someone as a friend just because of this Friendly Fire. I don't care if you get along with them. I am their friend for a reason and I won't change my mind by what you say.

I hold friendships dear.

Do you?

You See Everything

Click Play first :)

 When I first heard the Alanis Morissette song Everything it hit close to home. When I watched the music video it hit closer to home.

I actually did what Morissette did in the video. I took a pair of scissors and cut my hair. I then went to the salon and got a pixie cut. I took a photo of the hair in the trash. I wasn't shy of what I did. I admitted it.

I changed my looks for ME.

I then decided to take this one step further...

I got a tattoo. "You see all my light and you love all my dark" Deciding on highlighting the words light and love.

I admitted to myself when I cut my hair I had a lot of dark in me. I mean that is why I have the blog Miles Behind Me. Because I want to leave the dark way behind me. But sometimes you can't.

The whole reason I decided to date my husband was because for the whole time we have known each other he hasn't care about my dark, he's only seen my light. We met when I first moved to Virginia and became friends. We were friends of friends and had met. He was my friend, then became my best friend.

He didn't know I had the tattoo. He didn't realize I had it until we started dating. And I explained it to him. And little did I know he fit the tattoo to a T.

So while it may seem odd I get this tattoo I know what it means. It means so much to me. Just as much as the other tattoos that I have. That I've marked my skin despite my religion due to what the tattoos mean to me. It was worth it.

Every tattoo I have means something important. Just like the next I plan on getting.

Yes I am a tattoo person.

Easter?

I was knee deep into writing a book. The doorbell rang so I ran down the stairs to answer the door. And then I saw the neighbors carrying Easter baskets.

And for that brief moment I had to ask myself... What time of year is it?

For that brief moment my eyes laid upon the Easter baskets the date slipped by, the fact that Thanksgiving was around the corner was gone, the fact I was listening to Christmas music on the radio while I was out was gone... Those Easter baskets made me question everything.

It wasn't just the Easter basket. There was the grass, the eggs. EASTER STUFF!!

And my brain checked out. I barely even invited the person inside. My mind was EASTER.

My husband came home, it was his friend. I ran upstairs and checked my phone. Okay, November 22. It has been November 22 the whole day. I knew the date. My wedding anniversary was yesterday. Was so  happy yesterday.

But that Easter stuff made me question everything. Made me question reality.

Although we know how things work now a days. Christmas stuff is already out. People have their trees up. Christmas Christmas Christmas. Even though Thanksgiving is around the corner.

Can we please take it one holiday at a time?

My Veterans Day

I woke up late.

Actually my sailor let me sleep in. He told me to sleep in. Told me to stay in bed until noon.

So I did.

He went out with a shipmate and took advantage of a free breakfast. Thanks IHOP for doing that.

He told me he had a surprise. And I was treated with two cupcakes from my favorite cupcake place.

Then went out to eat at Olive Garden. I was treated to a nice glass of wine. Told to order wine.

Thank you to those who serve our country.

Did you vote? I didn't

I can honestly tell you the last time I voted it was for Gore.

What can I say. I'm a Republican. Err I was. I was a straight ticket Republican. 

Watching the elections that year something deep settled inside of me.

My vote doesn't count.

When it comes down to a Presidential election my vote doesn't count. Your vote doesn't count.

I don't believe in the electoral college voting system.

So I don't vote. I haven't registered to vote since Gore lost.

Do I care about what goes on in our country? Yes.

I don't withhold my vote because I don't care about who represents me. No I do.

I don't vote because I'm standing behind up for a belief that my vote counts. And each vote for President of the United States should count.

You see I'm from Indiana and Indiana is a Republican state. But say the Democrats are in power. Everyone in Indiana votes for a Republican but the Democrats have power. So thus all of Indiana electoral votes go to the Democratic President Elect. Even though the Republicans have said they want a Republican.

If the state is mixed you can't split the vote.

And don't get me started on those who paper vote and mail it in...

I don't vote because I don't believe we truly live in a democratic union where the people get the say of what they truly want.

We don't truly have a free country.

We may have certain freedoms I am grateful for.

I suppose you can say this ends with "I have a dream".

I have a dream one day my vote will count. And when it does. I'll vote.

Sun, Dear Sun, Where Did You Go?

Dear Sun,

Oh my dearest Sun. The bright object that raises in the sky that defines morning from night. I miss thee.

It truly feels nice when the sun finally peaks from the clouds and there is a sunny day. But lately the weather has been gloomy. But what did I expect. I mean we live in the PNW (Pacific Northwest).

Some days I feel like I am chasing the sun. Because I can see it peaking from behind the clouds and I know it's there. I yearn for it to be there.

I miss summer.

I guess that is what I mean to say.

The warmth of my skin.

Hello Fall... or what I call early winter. 40 degree days that make me want to stay in bed. The fact that by 6pm night has come and YAWN it feels like it too. Pitch black dark.

My first winter in the PNW is starting out grand lol.

Vitamin D anyone?

Selfish?

Katie Hurley recently wrote this article on Huffington Posthttp://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5672519?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Entitled There is Nothing Selfish About Suicide. 

I first applaud you Katie for writing that article. The amount of strength you must of had to come forward and share your story.

Something I agree with Katie is. Unless you've been there, don't judge!! 

It's hard to stare at a dark abyss wondering where your life will go. Realizing your life is in a million pieces and you have NO idea where to begin picking up those pieces, because they are cutting you. They are hurting you. And the darkness feels so good. You don't want to leave.

Dear Airlines, Be On Time

Dear Airline Companies,

Be on time!!

When I arrived at the airport 2 hours before my flight left I expected the airline company of Frontier to be on time, as stated on their website. 

Nope! 

I stood in line as I watched them do various items, ignoring me as I was first in line, not acknowledging or anything. 10-15 minutes go by before I get told one of the 3 people behind the counter can help me. The friend that was with  me stated out loud how rude this was, then I was helped.

I check my luggage and make my way to the gate where my flight is to take off.

I zoomed through security through a speed I didn't expect. Having traveled since a young age and experiencing different levels of air port security (and mind you being 16 and not being able to speak any other language than English and being instructed in a language I didn't understand) this time was a breeze. Not even 4 minutes.

I arrive to my gate and read the dreaded words of "flight delayed" *insert horror scream*. I am wondering what perhaps several hundred (maybe more I don't know) wonder a day. "Am I going to make my connecting flight?"

I am wanting what typical people want after being away from home for a period of time. I want to be HOME. 

I've been away from home helping out my best friend for a period of time. I just want to get home and wrap my arms around my husband, go to my home, see my dogs, and be in the bed that I haven't been in in a while. 

But I am staring at a screen that says delayed. i

I am then watching the plane that I am to take pull in and the people that were on the plane disembark. I look at the time and I freak. 

So I asked Frontier on Twitter. And this is the response. 

Delayed 57 minutes, nearly an hour. That is how much time I had between flights... That was my layover. 

Now each airport has a specific amount of time between each layover so that the person can make their flight comfortably. 

But here I am sprinting in an airport I have no clue about. I couldn't find my flight. I noticed the coffee line didn't have a line and I grabbed a cup of coffee. I then went to find out where my flight was. 

When I arrived I boarded my plane. Yup. Got there luckily in time. Sat down and was on my way. 

I almost missed my flight. It was cutting it close. Why? Due to the crew of Frontier. Even Frontier admitted it. 

And the crew with my previous take off wouldn't shut the door... Why? Because someone was too drunk/intoxicated. They discussed this where everyone could hear. Finally shutting the door after 3 people who weren't assigned seats finally sat down. 

I used to love to fly. But it's become more of a hassle. 

Time Away

Redeye Flight

I imagined that I would sleep on this flight. Little did I realize that every time I would fall asleep something would happen. And during the last three hour stretch of it screaming baby, hey we both didn't want to be there but it wasn't acceptable for me to scream ;)

Bagel

Deliciousness of bagels. How I missed thee. 

I have yet to find a good bagel place in the Seattle area. So of course I had to go to Yorgi's. 

Swimming

No, not in the pond

I went swimming for a grand total of 1 time... This was upsetting since during the trip I stayed at various hotels. And pools?? Umm yeah broken ones lol

Empty

I've never seen this stretch of road so empty. We were on our way to base so my best friend could check out of the Navy, becoming a civilian again. 

That one time I crashed a wedding...

Yeah... It's sure a story to tell...

Sushi on fire

Bugs

I can definitely say I've had my share of bugs. 

I've enjoyed this time away. A mini vacation for me. But helping my best friend end his Navy career and move to the Midwest to begin his civilian job. 

Can't wait to be home

Vacation, it's where I want to be

It's been a while since my feet has been in sand. And that is what I did today. 

I walked along the Atlantic Ocean. Taking in the rays of the sun, the people around me. 

I had forgotten how hot the sun gets. And scurried on my flip flops after the fun in the sun.

I did not go swimming in the ocean. For selfish reasons. I've gotten my hair the way I want it and didn't want the salt water ruining it. 

I had my favorite bagel for breakfast and headed to the beach. 

It was the perfect start for my first official day of vacation. 

Rested up the day I landed due to the jet lag. 

Tomorrow brings something unique. 

Depression

I was sadden to hear the loss of a great comedian and supporter of our troops, Robin Williams.

It is alleged that he committed suicide. I say alleged due to the facts not being known 100% yet.

Robin Williams admitted having depression. 

I know about being depressed. 

I've had OCD since a very early age. Combined with my learning disorder I experience high anxiety, or generalized anxiety. This had lead to depression in the past.

But to be honest. I didn't know the true meaning of depression until recently. 

I have PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder. 

After a traumatic event PTSD can occur. But what defines it has PTSD is a certain amount of time that has passed since the event occurred. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD before that time had passed. But I was also to a point where I had shut down. 

I let the event that occurred swallow me whole. I relived it, breathed it, locked it inside of myself for so long I was a crumped mess on the floor. 

My husband came home and found me. He scooped me up and held me. And I told the secret I had been carrying with me I silence. 

You see... Sometimes people suffer in silence. Sometimes it's too much for anyone to share so they keep it inside. It eats at them so much. And the more it eats the more it consumes you. 

By this point I was shaking and could barely talk. I had let this event eat me up and it spit me out into a heaping mess. When I say shaking... I mean my husband had to walk behind me to support me because I could barely walk. I could barely talk. What had happened to me was enough to damage my myelin. It was PAINFUL.

Slowly as I realized I did not have to go through this alone, that I didn't have to be strong enough!! There were people around me that would pick me up, literally!! and carry me. Tell me jokes just to see me smile. Never asked me about my pain and waited for me to tell. Because it's my story. 

There were so many times I had to remind myself that I'm a victim. I had to choose to live in the light and not let the dark swallow me. 

This journey of mine has been a long process. 

I still have PTSD. I don't know how long I will have it. But I'll tell you that I'll be okay. 

I'm still not ready to discuss the events that occurred. It's still has raw as when it first happened. But I have my way of handling things when they come up. Like if I experience a trigger and a flashback occurs. Or I burst into tears for no reason. Shake uncontrollably. Afraid. Scared. 

But I'll be okay. 

And thanks to my friends who let me use Frozen or Pitch Perfect references because those movies are a coping mechanism. 

Vacation!!

The excitement and trepidation at the awaiting vacation a head of me. 

I have plane tickets in hand. Leaving Sea-Tac and returning. But here's the trick...

I semi know the travel destination.

What?

I am leaving Seattle and arriving at destination A. Then driving to destination B. Visiting destination C a lot. Then heading to destination D to return to Seattle. 

Two destinations are in the same state. Destination B & C. Destination A & D are not. 

It's a vacation that is well needed!!

My Best Friend

   

You're more than my husband.

You're also my best friend.

It's your story, but tell me did you lose a shoe?

Our PCS Journey

 

It was a cool day when we packed up the truck and said goodbye to Virginia.

This had been a place that my husband and I have called home for several years. But we were excited to leave.

We went to Indiana to visit family.

Blurry Lousville above. My husband was driving and I was using my cell phone. But I love the colors in the photo.

We drove from Virginia leaving in the afternoon.  We decided to drive straight through. We took separate vehicles because he was driving the truck and I had the car.

We spent a few days visiting family. And then we started heading to Washington.

The Plain States

I mentioned to someone who was soon PCSing themselves to Washington that the drive wasn't that bad.  But I had to admit that in the plain states I started questioning why we were doing this. 

It seems I could only take so much flat land lol. 

Our first true stop was Mt Rushmore.  We decided to stay the night in Keystone which was a lovely quaint town. And I'm glad it wasn't the busy season lol.

 

Of course we PCS'd during the WINTER!















And then we went to Devil Tower

And then we hit our second set of mountains...

Because our next stop was Yellowstone!!

Yellowstone

I jumped for joy when I found out Yellowstone would be open when we were PCSing. We decided to stay on Cody, Wyoming... because hotel was wonderful.  But with the drive to Yellowstone don't do this when the road to Cody and Yellowstone is closed. Which it was and it was a 3 hour drive to Yellowstone.

Did I mention it was snowing??

Old Faithful

 

And an hour later...

We PCD's during WINTER!! Once we started heading up the mountains the SNOW started.  Now in Virginia when it snowed it basically shut everything down.  But what I found out in higher altitude is that it is actual SNOW! Snow flakes!! I hadn't seen snow flakes in a while. Mush in Virginia.

And my darling husband waited with me for Old Faithful to blow. Gotta love that man.  It was over an hour... we waited over an hour in the cold, snowing, wet... you get the point.

We made it in one piece. Some of our furniture didn't.  Thankfully when we arrived Nick's Sponsor helped us move in. With my bad shoulder I could barely lift anything.

We then ran to Ikea to replace the things that broke...

I don't think I can explain the feeling you get when you open the back of a moving truck and see pieces of furniture you love crumbled. You just have to square your shoulders and say "I guess I truly didn't need that."  And smile ever so loving at your husband because now you're out a dresser.

Ikea to the rescue. We picked up 2 dressers for less than what we thought, thus we bought two. Stained them a nice dark color.

Ohh... I'm leaving out the BEST part.

Everyone has a horror story for when they PCS, right?

We were in the middle of nowhere  Montana and the car stops working. The check engine light came over and I pulled over and turned off the car... and the gas peddle stopped working.

Luckily my quick action. I called for a tow truck and sent my husband into the next town to rent a tow.  The tow truck came and we hooked up the car to the dolly (after meeting up with my husband in the next town).  It is VERY hard to explain to someone where you are when you are looking at your map in your iPhone and explaining to them.  Because I was in the middle of mile markers I didn't know which mile marker I was at, just the town I was near.  But at the end of the day it took about 2 hours out of our schedule.

He drove the rest of the night and in the wee hours of the morning we ended up in Western Washington.  We went to our apartment, signed our lease, and began unpacking.  And rented a car after taking ours to get fixed.  Thankfully it was just the computer issue and after reprogramming the car was fine.

I enjoyed our trip across the United States.  Glad that we got to visit the things that we did. And I smile as I say this...... I HOPE TO NEVER PCS AGAIN!!!!

Just Eat Cake

I've had a really bad week...

So I ended up at a bakery.

I bought a half a dozen donuts and took a pic to tease my husband. 

This bakery has cupcakes too. Bacon cupcakes and donuts at that. So had to tease my husband. 

It seems that once your hubsand goes away everything goes wrong. And that is all I've had all week long. 

So donuts for dinner tonight. 

Homemade Fish Sticks or Fish Fingers

Blogging from my phone again since my laptop charger hasn't arrived.

I went to Pike Place Market and got some halibut. While eating some baked halibut I just thought that this fish would be a great fish to make fish sticks out of. 

So I tried it. My first attempted I made fish nuggets. I can admit I was nervous so made smaller ones in case they weren't good. 

But they were a hit. 

So I decided to do fish sticks or what I call fish fingers because I made them bigger than fish sticks. 

First you're going to need white fish. I used halibut but there are other types of white fish you can use. I took the skin off and sliced them into thick chunks. 

For the wet mix I used 2 eggs. For the dry mix I used bread crumbs, panko, garlic powder, onion powder, salt & pepper (you can add more it's up to you). 

I dipped the fish into the wet mix, then the dry mix. I tried to use a wet hand and dry hand but let's face it... Doesn't always work out that way. 

I then fried them in canola oil. And tada. 

Fish fingers!!

These are yummy. I pair them with my version of curly fries. 

Now go make yourself some fish sticks!! 

Trip Through iPhone Photos

I will properly add photos of our trip later but for now these. 

Mount Rushmore... Honestly isn't as big as I thought it would be. But it's breathtaking. 

Devil Tower... Now this thing is huge. 

And I heard my first rattle snake in Montana. Joy! 

Everything's Going to be Alright

This has become my theme song lately...