Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Misconception of Myself

Misconception (n): a view or opinion that is incorrect because based on faulty thinking or understanding.

I grew up as the youngest of three girls in a small rural community.  Growing up in this small rural (farming) community I was automatically tagged with a misconception. My mother is from South Korea and my father met her while in the Air Force. So I am half Korean, quarter French, and quarter German (if my research into family history is correct). Because I am half Korean and look part Asian I grew up in middle school being made fun of and told to "go back where I came from". Even though I was born in the hospital a few miles south of where I grew up.

I didn't understand misconception. I didn't understand why people based an opinion on me by various things but mainly a misunderstanding. It took me a very long time to understand all of this.

Growing up in the small community I did I was first introduced to misconception by my age group, maybe a tad bit older.  Because of this introduction it had a lasting effect on me. I grew up thinking because I was made fun of because of my race that I wasn't pretty.

Throw in a mother with high expectations and when you fail to meet those you are branded with being a loser. Well all that equals up to one misguided teen.

I look back at my life and I know the things that happened made me the person I am today. The being teased in middle school, my mother abusing me, being in an abusive relationship... has made me into the person I am today. Everything I have gone through has molded me and shaped me.

Everyone has their own demons.

As time grew on I realized I had developed a misconception of myself. I started to loose who I was. I began to settle instead of going what my heart was looking for.  A black cloud enveloped me.

So I made this blog. Because I just knew in order to remember who I was I needed to leave the bad behind me, miles behind me.

The two year anniversary of this blog is fast approaching.

I am certainly not in the same place that I was when I started this blog. I no longer have a misconception of myself. But I do know others still have misconceptions of me, I can't change that. But I did change the misconception of myself.

I went out and did what I thought was best for me. And here I am two years later happily married to a wonderful man (who happen to have shaved himself bald last night /: ) A wonderful man who will never have a misconception about me.

Do you have a misconception about someone? Did you think about changing it?

I am happy to have changed mine.

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